Long Time Gone....

Man oh man I need to update my blog more often. I have just been so busy lately. With the holidays coming, my house in need of constant cleaning, painting the computer room and getting it ready, trying not to kill our latest family addition. Aunt Hellen....darn kitten keeps peeing in my house and I am just done with it. Last but not least constantly working and worrying about my diabetes.

So I went down state to pick up my parents treadmill that they don't use, so I can use it during the cold winter months up in Northern Michigan. My endocrinologist insits that my working out 3 times a week is not enough and she wants me to work out 7 days a week for 60 minutes each day. I find that laughable. I am mother, wife, maid, and zoo keeper. Not to mention I still work a full time job. It is hard to just get 15 minutes for myself just to check email. But I am gunna work on it. I will try really hard to follow my exercise plan. I am dedicated to getting healthy and getting my diabetes under control.

Further more...I got my insulin pump in the mail this week. My little tiny pump came in this huge giant box full of manuals, connective tubing, and more things I am not exactly sure how to use. Unfortunately I owe medtronic about $1400.00 for my portion of the pump that insurance didn't take care of. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I tell you what I am gunna go broke being diabetic. My insulin alone is $120 each month. My needles, lancets, test strips and office co-pays run me easily $200-$300 per month. My total cost so far is what I owe for my car payment. Thank the Lord the price of gas has gone down. My only hope is that my insulin will be cheaper cause I won't have them in those pre-filled pens.

This coming week I have an appointment with a representative from Medtronic to teach me how to use and connect myself to my pump. I am eager to do and am hoping that this will help regulate my BG numbers more. I take my A1C test at the end of the month and am hoping to see something better than an 11. Right now my sugars run anywhere from the low 50's to the high 300's. Which is much better than what I have been doing.

So until my appointment on Wednesday, "the big day", I need to do some serious thinking about what to name my little purple pump. I can't keep calling it "my" pump or "the" pump. It needs to be called something since I will be on it for the rest of my life....





Let the ideas roll and the suggestions flow......

FINALLY!!! VICTORY IS MINE!!!

Ok, this blog post has nothing to do about diabetes....but I am soooo happy I just can't keep still!!! My husband, my tall drink of water, my John, has agreed to read the book Twilight before we go to the movies and watch it on the big screen. For those of you out there that don't know me that well...THIS IS HUGE NEWS!!! I AM SOOO HAPPY! I finally got him to get into the books!

Whoo! See...it just isn't a chick flick!!! I am sure he will keep this a secret with all his male co-workers and friends. He is a closet Twilight reader. I LOVE HIM!!!

Nothing Clever Comes 2 Mind 4 A Title...

So this weekend wasn't the funnest at work. My sugar was in the 300 and 400s. Then Monday if I could get it under 300 I was happy. So basically I wasn't happy on Monday. It was really really high and thank the lord for my sister. If I hadn't have been able to sleep when I got home from work I don't know what I would have done. Monday night was my first Diabetic Support Group meeting at my hospital. I asked John to come with cause it was really important to me that he participate on some level as far as diabetic education goes. It was a little over an hour and he was bored. But I like to think that he did learn some important information. The funny thing was is that we were probably the youngest people under 60 there! hahahahaha....young kids now a days I tell you.



So after the meeting I asked John if he would go with me again because this meeting talked A LOT about type 2 diabetes and I have type 1. I think it would be even more informative for him. He did agree to. One more meeting. So we got home and about 30 minutes later I started to not feel so well. I took my sugar and it was 78. I drank some juice and boom. Quick fix.

Tuesday night same thing. Low drop in sugar in the evening and I fixed that with juice. About 15 minutes later I was good. Today, Wednesday, I took Damon swimming with me for our weekly swimming/exercises time. We swam for about 1hour and 30minutes. I swam some laps with Damon on my back. By the time we were leaving Damon was starving as was I and I started feeling shaky. Great I am driving my care and I am feeling gross. I take my sugar and it was 63! The lowest it has ever been for me. GRRRRRRRRRR! How can I go from being 400 to 63 so quickly! It just isn't fair. I take my meds, eat like I am suppose to, and exercise. I STILL CAN'T GET MY SUGARS UNDER CONTROL. So I pop a handful of M&Ms into my mouth that I had on me and I just wait a while until I am well enough to drive.

As I am driving I call my mom just to keep me alert. I am only a few miles from Wendy's and I figure I will feed him and get myself a grilled chicken sandwich and diet coke and just wait for the carbs to do its job. By the time I got to Wendy's my sugar was 187 and I was feeling a little weak. By the time I got home my sugar was well over 200.

Tonight after dinner I was shaky again and my sugar was 79. I drank little bit of juice and ate some popcorn. Now I sit with my lappy typing and I have a slight headache. I am sure that means that my sugar has shot up to 300. Oh my lordy bee I can't wait to go to bed tonight and sleep this headache off.

On a side note my nurse called me today to see how I was doing and get some BG readings. Over the phone she signed me up for a insulin pump training seminar for next Wednesday. I asked her, "By going to this seminar does that mean I am heading towards a pump?" She informed me that me going on the pump is my own choice and if I want it they can have that puppy hooked up to me in now time.



As scared as I am of the unknown...I am tired of these ups and downs. I am tired of feeling so crappy. If a pump will help regulate my numbers better....perhaps I will be heading towards a pump soon. We shall find out more next Wednesday. I wonder if I could get a pink pump to match my pink glucose monitor?!?!?!

Pour some sugar on me....

It has been a while since my last post and that is because it has been a trying week for me. I have a lot to update on. I saw my endocrinologist Dr. K. It was a long appointment. I had no other choice but to bring my son with me cause I could not find a babysitter. My in-laws were in Arizona and my parents live almost 4 hours down state. While I was in the exam room with my son I was fill my dr in on all my info. I started to get really hot and sweaty and I thought it was from the fleece jacket I had on. At one point my dr. asked me to change into a gown so she could examine me. I started getting a little shaky but I didn't think anything of it. I know I know...I am a stupid person. She came back in the room and my son was going crazy. It was past his lunch time, he was tired, and bored. I was so sweaty that I was pouring buckets and my heart was racing. The dr. asked me if I was ok. I told her no I think something is wrong. At that moment the nurse took Damon out of the room cause I guess I wasn't looking too good. They took my sugar and I was 82. A low for me and I was going through the "sugar shakes". They gave me some sweet tea and told me to drink it and rest.

After I finished the tea I got dressed and went to the drs office. They put me on a new insulin program. My lantus dose was cut down from 60 units to 30 units. But my fast acting insulin (novolog) was increased at every meal. My goal is to try and keep my sugar between 100 to 150. I am only allowed 3 meals a day with no snacks, unless it is a free food. Let me tell you that is so very hard. I am doing pretty good at watching what I eat but it is frustrating cause I am not loosing weight. I am really hoping to drop at least another 25 pounds. That would put me back at my pre-baby weight.

I asked about the insulin pump. Every person I talk to says the same thing, "Why aren't you on an insulin pump?" Dr. K says that they want to try me on my new insulin/diet program and see how I do. I kinda hope that I do go on the pump. I am hoping that it will regulate me better. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need to start feeling better.

Now we fast forward to this week.

This week I had one of the worst lows I have ever had. On Halloween my mom drove up almost 4 hours to spend the weekend with me, my son, and my hubby. Trick or treating was fun but the temptation was awful. I did sneak a few tiny bite size pieces, but in all honesty I am proud of how well I did around all the candy. We didn't have any trick or treaters so I up the kit kats in the freezer in case I needed some kind of sugar fast.

Well this week I needed sugar fast! My sister came up to spend the week with me this Monday because frankly I am still so new to diabetes and I am having so many highs and lows that I does scare me to be home alone with my son. So she comes up and we make a trip together to the pharmacy to pick up some insulin and fine tip needles. As soon as we got home I wasn't feeling good. I chose to lay down on the coach. My head was killing me and I could not take the pain. I thought if I lay down then maybe my headache would go away.

John came home from work and he saw me on the couch and asked if I was ok. I told him no I wasn't feeling well. While he was playing with our son I started to feel worse. It is hard to describe but it felt as is my blood was humming in my body. I then realized I needed to check my blood sugar. As soon as I sat up It was hard to function. The shakes started right away. I could not stop it and it was so hard to poke my finger. My blood sugar had gone from over 200 down to 68. I am still a new diabetic and I have not gotten my sugar under control at all and 68 was too low for me. I yelled for John telling him I was 68 and then it was as if I passed out. My eyes closed and I was a limp noodle on the couch. John tried to wake me up and I could hear everything around me but it was as if my body shut off. I could not move, talk, or communicate at all. It was like having an out of body experience. John found my glucose drink in my purse and forced it down my throat.

It took about 10-15 minutes to finally wake up and when I could I could not move. I was so weak and so drained. It was scary. I need to teach Damon what to do if mommy falls asleep and can't wake up. I wish I lived closer to my family so I could have help during the week. I went to my counselors this week to have my type 1 one on one counseling. Ruthanne said that John should have called 911. She told me again what I already knew...68 is too low for me. They also told me that instead of trying to force juice down my throat when I am unresponsive, John should put some frosting inside my cheeks and my cells will soak it up just as well. So after my appointment I went to walmart and some cake tube frosting. I hope I don't have to use that for a long time. But boy of boy do I love frosting....especially on cupcakes. OH YUM!!! Now I want a cupcake really really bad.




Other than that very scary and terrifying day, I haven't had another low like that. I have just been having these massive massive headaches. There are two things that work for me. One, vicodin...that I don't want to take unless I am going to bed at night. Two, sleep. If I can sleep it off that is awesome. But I have Damon all day long and I don't want to sleep when he is with me. I am just so greatful that my sister, Alex, is here with me. She is awesome and I am soooo thankful for her. She has been a great help with keeping Damon entertained while I am not feeling good. Family is great to have around.

Why won't calgon take me away?

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have ever had. I came home from work rather early because there wasn't any patients for me to x-ray. I got home about 6:45am and I crawled into bed with my husband and son. John started to get up to go to work and I just curled up with Damon and went to sleep. It wasn't a sound restful sleep. It was very uncomfortable and shaky. When Damon finally woke up about 10am I knew something was wrong with me. When I left work I tested my sugar and it was a little over 400. High....but kinda normal for me. As I tried my hardest to focus my eyes and fight my awful headache...I couldn't stop shaking.

Damon and I made it downstairs and as he is asking me for eggs and toast I am searching for my glucose meter. I find it and take my sugar. The reading at that time was 94. A normal number for many people, but for me with sugar that is so high. That number is too low. I call my doctor and leave a message for her to call me and I briefly tell her about my numbers. I don't know if I should eat and I don't' want to take my insulin. I am so new to this disease that I am still unsure of myself at times. Anyhow I figure a small snack won't hurt. So I eat two graham crackers and a small glass of milk. About 25 minutes later my nurse calls and wants to know my sugar after my snack. So I take it and it is 228 but I am feeling just as bad as before if not more. She says she is going to talk to my dr and call me right back.

Fast forward to about 45 minutes down the road...I am laying upstairs in my bed while my son is playing on my bed with his trains. It is so hard to describe the way I am feeling but it is bad and I have never felt like this before. My nurse calls me again and wants to know what my sugar reading is now. I take it and it is 388! My dr. wants to see me right away and do some urine tests. To tell you the truth I was scared to drive myself and there wasn't anyone to take me. I get damon dressed and I litterally roll out of bed and we leave.

My urine is clean for protein and my sugar came down to 323. My dr adjusts my insulin. I now take 30 units of lantus at breakfast and at dinner and my novolog has been increased at every meal. Then Dr. N tells me that my GAD antibody test came back and it is positive. That means that I am a type 1 diabetic and not a type 2. Dr. N then tells me that she called the endocrinologist (that I have an appointment with in 3 weeks) and says that I need to get into her now cause I am feeling worse and worse with each passing days and my sugars are still not under control.

To make a long story short...I see Dr. K tomorrow. I am glad but nervous at the same time. I CAN NOT KEEP FEELING LIKE THIS!!! I have a headache that is so bad...I am in so much pain....and this pain does not seem to end.

I am so sick to my stomach, my vision is not working correctly, I am terribly fatigues, and everything just aches. To make matters worse my period started yesterday. Bloody terrific! I wonder what kind of news tomorrow will bring....

Never too old to learn new things....

So this has been an interesting and informative week for me. Let me just start this post by saying that supportive people are the most important people in the world. I have a better appreciation for them. Let me tell you why. About a week ago I got an email from my husband's grandmother who also is a diabetic. The email was a bunch of rambling. But then I got to a couple of sections that really angered and hurt me. Basically she said to me that me having diabetes is not a surprise because "I have had this coming to me for a long time" and that "food is poison to me" and I need to continue to loose weight because I "have a long road to go." I was so upset and so hurt when I read this. Nobody wishes diabetes on themselves and no one deserves it. It is a disease that can be controlled and it can also lead to death if you don't take the proper care of yourself. How could some with diabetes tell me that I had this coming to me. True I did have an unhealthy life style and I am not the thinnest person in the world. But I did not ask for this and no one should EVER say things like that to you.

To make things worse, when I told my husband about this he agreed with everything that grandma said. I was hurt, upset, and emotional by what he said to me. My husband of all didn't stay beside me. In anger I told him that he is much more unhealthier and that I hoped he got diabetes as well. After I said that I kicked myself cause I wished on him what I don't wish on anyone. To make a long story short. I am still hurt what his grandma said to me and that I regret what I said to him. However, he is more conscious of what he puts in his mouth. I hope that together we can be more supportive of each other and both of us can be healthier people.

My week started this week with an early AM dr appointment. It was a check to see how I have been doing on my novolog and also to let me know what some of lab results were. My good and bad cholesterol are normal but we are still waiting on my GAD antibody to come back. Hopefully I will find out at the end of the week what that result is.

My dr was very happy cause my fasting sugar that day was the lowest it has ever been since I started monitoring it. It was 133!!! I was sooo happy. Dr. N feels that I should stay at 58 units of lantus and 2000mg of metformin until I see my endocrinologist (in 2 weeks). Then to keep dosing my novolog according to my blood sugar. That makes me happy. I have been feeling a little more energetic so that is a plus for me.

My best friend (who lives 3 1/2 hours away from me) came up to watch my son during the week while I go to my diabetes classes. She has been an angel. That morning we made splenda chocolate chip cookies together and let me tell you I will NEVER make those again. I would rather make the real thing and only eat 1 than to eat the crap-o-la that we baked. I am still trying to get that flavor out of my mouth. So after eating the cookie and cleaning up the mess I left my house to go to class. Class was actually very informative. A lot of stuff I new already because of all the books I have read to educate myself. But it was great cause I was in a classroom full of newly diabetic who were going through the same thing. Minus the fact that I was the youngest person under the age of 62! Jokes were made about things that happened before I was born and they were way over my head. Everyone would laugh when my age was brought up.



This is the only time I felt incredibly young! Hahaha

Afterwards I went home and we all decided to go shopping for dinner. Tacos for the kids and fajitas for the adults. I love making fajitas cause they are so healthy! Lots of veggies and low carb tortillas. So I took my sugar before I ate dinner and it was 488! Gosh I wanted to cry. But I ate dinner with the kids, jenny, and my husband. Afterwards we went swimming cause I wanted to get some exercise in and wear my son and Jenny's daughter out at the same time. 2 hours after dinner and 1 hour worth of swimming my sugar was down to 135. Go figure! That was a huge drop. Something must not have been right.

Now today I had my second class and it was better than the first class. I am excited cause in one year there will be a party for my fellow classmates to see how we are doing and how far we have gone in one year. Not only that but there is also a support group that meets the 2nd monday of every month and I am looking forward to becoming a member. I hope that there are relay walks in the future. I think it is important to become a member in the diabetic community. These classes excited me about exercise and how to eat properly. I am just glad I can find support outside of my house.....

I wish I had fingertips made of steel....

So I was diagnosed. Dr. W put me on a low dose gluecophage. I was instruct to take one pill at breakfast along with my fasting blood sugar (BG) and one at dinner along with my BG two hours after I eat. I was surprised to find that the feeling in my arm came back after a day or so. But I was still tired, still fatigued, and still thirsty. I was hoping for overnight success. To be cured by a single a pill was my hope. But that wasn't the case. Dr. W told me that if my sugars ever get over 500 that I need to call her right away. Since being diagnosed my sugars always ran between 300-400. From what I have read and from what people told me I should try and eat between 30-35 carbs. I found that easy. But I was always hungry! Cardboard even seems appealing to me. I thought that eating carbs or eating food would drive my sugar up and I didn't want it to get any higher. I was eating like a bird and my numbers were going up.

One day I drove down state to my co-workers house (about 2 hours from where I lived) and when my son and I got to her house I wasn't feeling good. Soon as I got there I thought I should check my sugar just to see where I am at. It was 579! That was one hour after I ate a grilled chicken sandwich with extra lettuce minus half the bun. My son had a happy meal and I was chugging down the water. I just wanted to cry. I thought I ate healthy and I am doing everything right...why is my sugar still going up. So I called my family to let know where I was and what was going on. Cue my mom who started bawling and my very frequent phone calls from my dad. I promised that Iwould not drive home with my son until my sugars where much lower.

In the meantime I talked my dr's PA. She instructed me to take two pills with dinner and to eat all protein that night. Thank goodness for my co-worker Missy who also happens to be diabetic. That night we went for Chinese and she told me the secret to eating out is to fill up on salad first and then to get your meal. Frankly after my salad I was full....but I did have to get my protein in. 2 hours after dinner my sugar was in the upper 200s! I was feeling better...not so shaky...but man was I tired.

A few days letter I met with the PA. Her name was Charlotte and she was so wonderful! I was a crying buffoon. I don't cry at home, or when I talk to my family about my situation, or when I talk to my co-workers. But the moment I step into a drs office I turn into the hoover dam and the flood gates just open and the flood starts. She said I was doing everything that I was suppose to but my body needed more help and she started me on 16 units of Lantus Solo Star. I didn't want to be on insulin cause I didn't want to poke myself with needles for the rest of my life. However, feeling the way I was I wanted to get back to normal. I was instructed that every three days I need to get my fasting average. If that average is above 100 then I need to increase my two units. Then my poopaphage was changed to something more stronger. I started taking 2000mg of Metformin.

The first two days I felt better. The shots were a breeze. I found it less painful and much easier than pricking my finger. That job beloved to my son. He loved being the one, "to poke momma's sugar". He is such a good boy. He knows mommy can't eat sugar and he begs me all the time to let him poke me. Hahhaha. Feeling better only lasted over the weekend. It didn't seem to touch my BG numbers. I met with Charlotte again two weeks later and at that time I was up to 24 units of insulin and I was still feeling tired. Charlotte upped me to 34 units of insulin and had the diabetes clinic at my hospital get in touch with me to start classes.

Fast forward to that following weekend. I had just arrived to work (at 6:30pm) and I felt that awful feeling I felt when I was Missy's house. So I took my BG and it was 525. I had the hospital operator page Dr. N for me and she instructed me to go right to ER since I was already there. Nothing was really done other than the fact that Dr. N told my ER dr to up my Lantus to 40 units for the next day. I was discharged and punched back into work. That was the worst weekend that I have ever worked. I was tired, had a massive headache, and my muscles were so weak I had tremendous difficulty lifting and moving my patients.

That week I started my orientation for my classes. The women at the center were great. They were comforting, supportive, and shocked at my BG numbers. I learned that I wasn't eating enough carbs. I was told that I need to keep my carbs between 40-50 carbs at each meal. I learned more about the diabetic exchange and lets not forget that the hoover dam exploded again. It is so humiliating when I loose control of my emotions in front of people I just met. Why does this always happen at dr appointments?

That night I increased my carbs and I was skeptical. No matter what I put in my mouth my levels always shot up. How could eating more lower my numbers? Surprisingly they knew what they were talking about! My numbers didn't go down but they didn't go sky high like they normally did. Few days later I went back to Dr. N for a check up and she decided that I am insulin resistant and thinks that I am a type 1 diabetic and not a type 2 diabetic. Dr. N then increased my insulin to 50 units and gave me novolog to take at each meal. New rules for my units: If my fasting average is above 100 then every three days I need to increase my Lantus by 8 units. My novolog units range from 10-6 units depending what my sugars are like before I eat.

I have been on novolog for almost a week now and at first I was feeling amazing! My energy levels went up, my headaches got smaller, my muscles feel stronger and my appetite got better. However there still isn't much impact on my BG numbers. I am still in the high 200's-300's. I have just had some labs done to see what my GAD is. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist and there is talk between my dr, PA, and councilors that I may be looking at going on the insulin pump.

Let me just say that the unknown terrifies me. To me the pump seems like a desperate attempt to control my BG levels. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am doing everything I am told to do and nothing is in my control. I DO NOT want diabetes to control my life...I want to be in control of my diabetes. I have made a promise to myself that I will do everything I can to get healthy and maintain that health. I want to set a good example for my son and my husband. I do not want the complications of this disease. Perhaps that is why I cry like a baby in the drs office cause I am scared of what COULD happen if my levels are not controlled. I am angry and frustrated and scared. No matter what I read and what people tell me I still feel like I brought this on myself.

I want to meet other people who are just like me. I know there are people out there. I want to get involved with the local diabetes center and do any kind of activity they offer. I wanna educate myself better and those around me. I know I have a LONG journey ahead of me and everyone says that it will take a while for things to get normal. I want a fast result and I know that won't happen. So it is all one day at time.